"it" just moved
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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