I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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