I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
