the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
im on a boat
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