I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
