i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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