she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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