i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize