So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
