I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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