think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
