tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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