ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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