I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
