Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
