so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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