The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
