He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize