I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize