And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
