I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
