If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
