Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
