once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize