Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
