dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
