Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
