Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
