He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
