I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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