can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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