My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
