i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
