A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
