Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i now understand why vodka
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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