Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
