He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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