We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
