Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i think i just lost a toe
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
