Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
