babies were throwing up all over the place
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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