Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
