stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize