I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
