Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Randomize
