does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
