Fuck appropriateness.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
