mondays should just be called national damage control day
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
