Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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