What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize