There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
