I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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