I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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