If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Congratulations! We have a period
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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