We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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