Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize