also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
nutella sex= disaster
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
