Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
