pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
