And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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