Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Boobs speak an international language.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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